Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
