Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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