I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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