You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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