Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
