remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
