I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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