this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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