so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you win again, gameday.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
