dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
