Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
