So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
