The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
