Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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