yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
false alarm, still single
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize