just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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