i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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