hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
