Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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