Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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