I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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