she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
