This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
