whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
