Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
