I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
