The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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