Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
