HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
