Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
