uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
