I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
