i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
