I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
