The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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