I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
