Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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