Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
