And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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