We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
