Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
