I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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