These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
