i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
