It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
