Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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