it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
