I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
