I cannot find my penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
