Sponge bath it is.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
