smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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