I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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