That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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