I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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