My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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