Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
