So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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