So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
