I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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