the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.