yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.