Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants