I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i have two assholes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
