Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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