Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
