I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
