Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want a musical about memes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
